Name Unspoken
by Synergetic Prose
Summary: AU/Canon: "The Captain never says your name," Veronica casually comments one day. "He says mine, Iverson's, Sam's, even Jeff the coffee kid's. But not yours." Curtis' fingers stilled over the holoscreen before moving again. "He doesn't need to." Curtis/Shiro from mainly Curtis' POV, slow build. Some Veronica and Curtis friendship.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Will be from Curtis' point of view.

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Curtis knew Shiro before the Galra Invasion.

Back in cadet school. They were classmates for the core courses so perhaps 'knew' wasn't the right word. He vaguely remembered lending Shiro something - a pen? calculator? - he couldn't remember what. All he recalled was Shiro's grateful smile before he turned his attention back to the front.

That was first year.

Second year he didn't see Shiro in class but they did have the same shooting slot. He had terrible aim. Shiro was better with his right but could shoot just as well with his left. He remembered hearing praises but Shiro just shrugged it off.

One time Shiro came over to offer advice.

 _'Take a breath. Get your bearings, then eyes on the target.'_

That advice helped him several times. He even used it to calm his nerves when the Galra first came down. Commander Holt's presence had been a huge help too. Everyone was all the better for it except for maybe Admiral Sanda.

All of this was running through his mind as he saw Shiro standing in front of The Wall. Captain Shirogane was still dressed in his formal uniform from his speech earlier today. His beret was in his right hand, the advanced prosthetic that hovered like something out of a sci-fi movie. Shiro reached his left hand out to touch a plate. Nothing was said but the air around him made Curtis feel like he was intruding in something extremely private.

He took a step back. His shoes made a faint sound.

The feeling of intrusion increased when Shirogane turned his head. His eyes contained a watery fragility that seemed so different than the fire during his piloting the Atlas or giving the speech. Curtis _definitely_ should have left the second he spotted Shiro here.

"I am _so_ sorry Captain," Curtis lifted his hands up, not knowing what else to do. "I'll just -"

"It's fine." Shiro cleared his throat and put his beret back on. The action shifted his demeanor instantly. His facial expression was collected. Curtis would have doubted what he saw if it weren't for the lingering red in his eyes. "Does Sam need me?"

"I'm to inform you that the paladins have awakened."

There was the slightest relaxation of Shiro's shoulders. "That's great news. I'll be right over."

Curtis inclined his head. "Of course." He turned to leave. But he felt moved to add in, "He wanted to make sure you had somewhere to come back to. Senior Officer Williams." Pause. "That's why he went out there despite the overwhelming odds and - well..."

Shiro adjusted his beret, blocking his face. "Is that all officer?"

"...Yes, Shirogane sir."

Shiro walked passed him without another word. Curtis stayed where he was to silently chide himself. _Just had to open my mouth._ He sighed and then turned on his heel.

Veronica was rubbing off on him.

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AN: I have some salt about S8 and I definitely have my shipping preferences but there's just something soft about the idea of Curtis/Shiro that won't leave my mind. Even though we didn't see them interact. XD Am I alone in this analysis?

I have a couple of other little snapshots for this so I'll leave it in "incomplete" status.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: And here's the second installment!

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The Blades arrived a week ago.

All of them were taller than the average human, long limbed, and lean. They were also all masked. The only unmasked ones were the leader and his second in command. Their names escaped Curtis at the moment. What really stuck with him was how easily Captain Shirogane had stepped up and clasped forearms with them. Then foreign words slipped out of Shirogane's mouth that none of the Atlas Crew understood.

It wasn't Altean, that much he knew.

When they were first looking at the information Commander Holt brought back they ended up having to learn basic Altean which was no easy feat. Thankfully Ina was one for taking in large amounts of information and spitting it back out. Her memory recall allowed them to make a cheat sheet until Holt was able to replicate the Altean translators.

 _"It's GCT,"_ Commander Holt had explained to them later. _"Galran Common Tongue. It's a more basic language taken from the original Galran but not as formal. Most of the universe knows this."_

Leifsdottir and the Green Paladin were working with Commander Holt to add in GCT to their translators.

"Your aim is awful."

Curtis frowned but kept both hands on the gun and protective orange eyewear on. Veronica shook her head as she loaded the practice clip into her firearm. He shot a couple more times then paused. Down the way he could hear Kinkade and Griffin firing off in the booth next to them. He had seen them shoot before. Kinkade and Lance were the best snipers the Garrison had to offer and they were younger than him. He wasn't salty about it. His skills as a comms tech didn't require him to be out in the field. It was just Garrison protocol that personnel knew enough to not accidentally shoot a friendly. He shot a couple more times then turned to his fellow Atlas crewmember with a flat look.

"What?"

"I didn't say anything else," Veronica calmly lifted her gun.

She started shooting. He watched her technique for a bit.

"But now that you mention it..."

 _I knew it._ "No, I don't want lessons."

"You'd be surprised what added practices can do for you," Veronica took aim and shot dead center. "Lance used to be _terrible."_ She grinned a little. "Probably worse than you."

Curtis made a disgruntled sound. She continued on.

"But then he caved in to lessons with me and now look how he is." She finished the first level. "That was all me."

"I'm not a field soldier." He put his gun on safety before slipping it back into his belt holster. "It's enough to pass the yearly inspection."

Veronica groaned loudly. "Stop being so vanilla Curtis."

He balked at her. "You're seriously calling a black man _vanilla_?"

"You know what I mean," she shrugged off. "Don't you want to do more for the cause?"

"I _am_ doing more. Do you realize how many Galra comm codes there are? I'm finding more every _day_. It takes a lot of time to enter it all in. Creating the automatic search feature is taking all of my spare time."

"I mean outsideof your field of expertise." She tapped the side of her rifle. "An analyst isn't required to know how to snipe."

"I know, Roni. But I just -" he softly sighed. "I don't _want_ to know how to shoot better." Pause. "To _kill_."

Targets were passing by without being shot. "I get it," she quietly answered. "But Curtis," she put her rifle aside, "this is learning how to keep people safe. To keep yourself _alive_."

A darkness entered her eyes. He wondered, not for the first time, what exactly she had to do when the MFEs were forced to leave her behind with Galra sentries.

"Veronica -"

His touch on her arm snapped her out of it. She gave his wrist a squeeze for a wordless gesture of thanks for his concern but pulled his hand away from her arm. He dropped his hand back by his side, choosing to respect her wish. She wasn't ready to talk about that yet it seemed.

"You need to learn more," she picked up her rifle.

"...I'll think about it."

* * *

Curtis meant to think about it.

He really had. But then they got a call about Galra soldiers hiding in the canyons and he pushed it to the back of his mind. The Atlas was still heavily damaged and inoperable. The MFEs and Blades went out first. The paladins were still bedridden and coming in and out of consciousness. They were in no shape to pilot remotely.

Atlas Crew was forced to mobilize.

Curtis was relieved that they were set up a good distance away in a fortified tent at least. Veronica and himself quickly typed on their compact laptops as they ran scanners. Captain Shirogane had gone out with the MFEs with the space wolf. They gave out instructions as they pinned down the location of the stragglers. By the struggling on the other side of the comms they took it that a fight broke out. It didn't last long.

 _"Scan for any other hostiles,"_ Shirogane ordered through the comms. _"I don't want to miss anything."_

Curtis' fingers flew over the keys. "I'm not picking up anything else sir."

 _"Veronica?"_

"Looking at the Galra camp locations I think it's safe to say these combatants had crashed their fighters here. There shouldn't be anyone else around."

 _"Alright team. Let's pack it up."_

They were mostly packed when the attack team were in sight. They were loading up the Cruiser when there was a commotion.

"Vrepit Sa!"

A couple of Galra soldiers managed to wiggle out of the cuffs. Or the cuffs weren't locked into place properly. The reason for the trouble didn't go through Curtis' mind at the moment. The outbreak of lasers and fighting had him and Veronica grabbing their weapons. The enemy was close to them. He felt his heart thudding loudly as one of them maneuvered past the group. Veronica aimed but nothing fired. There was something wrong with the firing pin or some other bs. She didn't have time to think.

"Fire Curtis!" she yelled out.

He got his gun free and pulled the trigger. It felt stuck. "The safety," he hissed. He didn't have time to switch it. He pushed Veronica out of the way of the charging Galra. They rolled in the dirt. He groaned as sand was in his eyes. He could hear Veronica cursing as she tried shooting again.

There was a poof and then a long yell.

He managed to open one eye. The wolf was snarling in front of them protectively as Captain Shirogane threw his metal fist out for the soldier. The Galra was taller than him. The soldier ducked and then swung his own fist for Shirogane's ribs. Shirogane trapped the arm against his side and rotated them so the soldier's back was exposed.

"Fire!" Shirogane ordered.

Curtis had the safety off now but he missed. He rapidly blinked to get the sand out of his eyes. But the opportunity was lost. The soldier twisted his arm, getting a grip of Shirogane's space suit and brought his armored knee up into Shirogane's gut over and over again. The captain doubled over. Veronica wretched the gun from Curtis' hands and shot.

The Galra was still up. She shot again and again. The soldier's armor was tough.

Shirogane suddenly lurched up and grabbed the soldier's face with his right hand. Using his momentum he slammed his head into the ground. The Galra groaned in disorientation. Shirogane quickly turned him over and redid his cuffs.

"Everyone ok?" he called out.

There was chorus of affirmatives. Curtis took his gun back with shaky hands.

* * *

Once things settled, Curtis went to find the Captain.

He was in the infirmary shrugging his undershirt back on. Curtis winced when he saw the bandages around his torso. By the discoloration of skin he assumed it was heavily bruised. He tentatively knocked so the man knew he was there. Shirogane looked up as he answered for the person to come in then looked back down to finish buttoning his uniform.

"Shirogane sir, about this afternoon -"

"We all freeze up the first time," Shirogane calmly said. "I understand." He stood up slowly, gingerly. "I'm just glad it was me and not someone else." His eyes held a solemn warning. "But if you want to stay on the Atlas Crew, I suggest you hit the firing range more often."

"...Of course."

He excused himself to find Veronica. He wasn't going to freeze up again.

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Fun fact: This story popped in my head because I was like "they could have just had Shiro say Curtis' name in an order instead of only having it in the screencaps. So stupid." But then I wondered what if there would be another reason why Shiro wouldn't say his name. Like a personal reason. Annnd my imagination took off.

Lol but still Voltron. It wouldn't have been that hard to introduce his name in conversation. XD


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Can we get this man a last name? Lol. Oh Voltron. They'll give Admiral Sanda a first name but not last names for Adam and Curtis.

I wrote this late so I probably have some errors. XD Hopefully minimal.

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It was a Wednesday when Curtis took a life.

It was also dry and hot that particular day. The backup generators were glitching due to the storm days ago. Most of the power was diverted to the hospital ward with the Paladins, the brig holding the Galra soldiers, and the Garrison control room. Veronica and Curtis spent almost all day in the control room. Others had tried sneaking in but were locked out by the new security levels on the keypad.

Veronica was especially pleased. He was quietly ok with it. The less people inside, the less amount of body heat.

He stood up from his station to get some more water.

"Can we postpone training to the evening?" Veronica groaned as she stretched her arms up high. "It's way too hot to be shooting."

He shrugged. "I'm fine with that."

Her chair squeaked as she got up. "Your aim's a hell of a lot better, I'll tell you that." She pushed her glasses up with a sly grin. "You might give my nephew Silvio a run for his money."

The slight pride he felt from her praise quickly sputtered out.

"Isn't he six?"

"A little older," she laughed heartily. "Don't take it hard. When I started giving Lance extra lessons he'd watch us. I wouldn't be surprised if Silvio was at a cadet's level of shooting."

Curtis shook his head as he put his water tank under the cooler. A thin trickle of water came out and then stopped. He looked up at Veronica, seeing that she realized the same thing.

"Not it!" they quickly said.

"I was faster," Veronica declared.

He gave her a flat look. "I don't know which reality you're in but I clearly heard you _after_ me."

"Don't you Slav me. I had to deal with him for a whole hour."

"I had to show him our systems for an entire _afternoon_."

"...I'll give you that one," she demurred, "but I'm not sticking one toe out of this a/c'd room."

"I had to get lunch. At the highest heat of the day."

"The straws decided that. That's not my fault."

There was a knock on the door. Veronica crossed her arms and frowned at it.

"No clearance, no entry."

" _It's Romelle. I thought you would like some refreshments."_

Veronica perked up. "What kind of refreshments?"

Curtis sighed and opened the door before the Altean answered. Romelle's her hair was entirely up in a bun. She sported a white tank with her Garrison pants which was the common look around here given the heat. Commanders were even turning an eye when they came across shorts. The tray in her hands had a pitcher with ice and slices of lemon.

"Hey Romelle."

The blonde Altean spent some time with the Atlas crew while her Paladin friends were unconscious. They were doing better but that last battle did a number on them. Quintessence lost was not something they could shake off. Before Romelle could offer Curtis a greeting back a small boy with dark hair popped up from behind her.

"Boo!"

Curtis clutched his heart in surprise.

"Wow ok. That was _so_ fake," Veronica called out. "Silvio, I'm positive you're supposed to be keeping an eye on Nadia."

He kicked the floor. "I just wanted to see you tia."

"Aww," Veronica pulled him in for a hug. "So this isn't so you could get some a/c?" He wiggled out of her arms and darted into the room faster than she could stop him. "I knew it you little sneak!"

Romelle winced. "I apologize. He seemed sincere when he asked -"

"Don't worry about it," Veronica sighed.

Curtis took the tray from Romelle's hands. "Why don't you come in for a bit?"

"Only if it isn't too much trouble..."

"You went to the trouble of making lemonade." Veronica stepped up to get some. " Might as well - Silvio, that is _not_ a toy!"

Romelle poured into Curtis' container and then grabbed a cup from the now empty water cooler to help herself. He said his thanks and then took a swig of his lemonade. He immediately spat it back into his container. He couldn't help the shuddering sound of horror he made.

"Did I make it incorrectly?"

"Uh, maybe." He cleared his throat but the taste was still in his mouth. "You might have used salt instead of sugar."

She took a small sip before he could stop her. Her nose wrinkled cutely. He chuckled a little but the salt in his mouth made him start to cough.

"This is _disgusting_." She put the pitcher back on the tray. "I will ask Mrs. Garret for assistance this time."

"Take this one back with you," Veronica grunted as she dragged Silvio over by the back of his shirt. "Play with your sister you naughty boy."

"Girls are stupid."

"Hey -" Veronica started.

"Not Romelle," he said with a wide smile. "Her tattoos are wicked. Tia, can I-"

"Not a chance kid."

"They're birthmarks." Romelle tilted her head curiously. "Do humans truly not have them?"

"I have one here." Silvio lifted his shirt to point at a dark spot along his stomach. "But it's not a cool color like yours."

"Fascinating."

"You can touch it."

Romelle shifted the tray against her hip to touch. Mischief entered her eyes. She put the tray down completely and then attacked his sides. The boy fell down in a fit of high giggles.

"Stoppp...!"

"Alright you two," Veronica laughed. "Tickle fights are forbidden in the control room."

She shooed them out. Romelle promised to return with properly made lemonade. Curtis wistfully looked at the closed door and then turned back to his station. Veronica missed nothing.

"Sorry about that. Silvio's a handful sometimes."

"Oh no. It's fine. Kids are energetic at that age."

He pulled up some screen to pretend to be working. She slid a chair over to him. He sighed long when she continued to sit next to him. Veronica could be persistent when she wanted to be.

"He just reminded me of someone. From long ago."

"A friend?"

"...Brother."

She put her elbow on the desk so she could lean her chin on her hand.

"I didn't know you have a sibling."

A shadow fell over his eyes. "I used to."

"Oh. I didn't mean to pry."

He made a sound. He didn't tell a lot of people this part of his life. But he'd been around Roni for months. They'd come to depend on one another for support during the toughest of times. Plus, he knew she'd try to find out later. Her curious nature usually won out over her tact. Iverson knew his story. And Commander Holt. He'd rather she heard it from him.

"...For a couple of years my family didn't live in a safe neighborhood. Work was hard to come by so my folks took what they could get. My brother and I usually went straight to school and then back to the house. We tried to not walk around late at night but..." he shrugged. "We really wanted ice cream. The store was only seven blocks away." He swallowed. "I hadn't realized how far that could be until that night." He turned his head out of her view to get his bearings. "There's a reason I'm not comfortable with guns, Roni."

"Curtis." She gripped his shoulder. "I'm so sorry. You don't have to say anymore."

"Thanks." He took a breath in. "But I'm doing better. It helps to think that I'm learning so I can protect."

"Yeah..." She looked away.

"Thanks for listening." He hesitated and then went for it. "You know you can tell me anything Veronica. I'll keep whatever you say to myself."

"I know. Really." She looked back at him. "But I think...I'm afraid that it'll change how you look at me. You're my friend Curtis. And I don't have a lot of those."

He turned his chair to face her completely. "Well if you refer to friends as 'those' I can see why not."

That took the gloom off her face. "Shut up!"

He rubbed the spot where she smacked his arm. "I didn't sign up for physical abuse."

"And I didn't sign up to die of thirst."

He groaned out loud. "Fine." He stood up slowly. "I'll refill the cooler."

"You're too nice," she critiqued with zero scolding.

"I know, I know."

* * *

One minute Curtis was in the kitchen testing out Romelle's new lemonade and the next he was getting his firearm.

The power went out completely. Thankfully the comms tower was on a solar based power and unaffected. He tuned out Romelle and Silvio's questions as he listened in on his earpiece. He was grateful that it was just the three of them. Mrs. Garret left a while ago to check on Hunk.

 _"Sir, sentries have broken into the hangars!"_

 _"There's a second breach in the east sector!"_

 _"MFEs, get to the civilian quarter,"_ Captain Shirogane's voice was breathy like he was running. _"Krolia, your team to the hospital wing. Kolivan, can you spare some Blades for the brig?"_

"Veronica," Curtis tried calling.

"What's going on?" Romelle had Silvio's hand.

Curtis looked around. It was too dark for him to see her expression but her eyes were lightly glowing. _We can't stay here._ If a fight broke out in here he could accidentally shoot one of them. _East sector. The hangars._ He quickly plotted out where the dangers were and then reached for Romelle's hand. It took some fumbling on his part but then she gripped his hand hard.

"We need to move Romelle. Silvio."

"I can see a little in the dark," she murmured.

"Well that makes one of us," he half joked. "Can you lead us to the door?"

"Certainly."

"Where are we going?" Silvio's smaller steps made it slow going.

"Somewhere safe." Romelle paused to pick up the boy so he sat on her hip. "Now hush or I won't share my lemon drink with you."

"But I helped make it!"

"Quiet please," Curtis almost begged.

They were out in the hallway now but it was barely better visibility wise.

His heartrate was fast but he didn't feel his hands shake. Before each session Veronica made sure he felt comfortable with a gun in his hand by holding it, cleaning it, then put it back together. He knew it was to make it feel less foreign and it did help to a certain extent. There was still a certain wrongness about the whole scenario he couldn't shake off though. He knew he joined an astro-military base but he had picked comms so he wouldn't have to be out in the frontlines. Yet here he was, straining to hear sentries or Galra.

Life was funny that way sometimes.

They were coming up to a corner. He inched forward to look around the bend. Romelle suddenly squeezed his hand. He saw her earrings move side to side in a head shake. He waited. He could make out the sounds of metal moving. _Is it coming towards us?_ His entire focus was on listening for anything to indicate that. He could hear Silvio shift as he started getting restless. Romelle was murmuring something to the boy too softly for him to hear.

"It's gone," she whispered louder.

He pulled them along without hesitation. They were down their third hallway when some lights started flickering back on. Veronica sounded out on the comms.

 _"Curtis! Where are you?"_

"I'm with Romelle and Silvio," he breathed out. "We're passing by the teachers' offices and headed back to control."

 _"Don't! Some prisoners slipped out and are coming -"_

"Curtis!" Romelle yelled out.

He stumbled as she nearly yanked his arm. His eyes widened as lasers went through the spot he was standing in. _If she hadn't pulled me out of the way..._ There was yelling. He snapped out of it and looked around.

"That way!"

They scrambled to the open office door. Curtis slid it closed then shot the keypad. Romelle put Silvio down so they could push the desk against the opening. They stacked a couple of other things and then back away. It was a basic sliding door though. He was sure a sentry and some lasers could force it open if they really wanted to.

"Get to the far corner," he whispered.

She pulled Silvio over and covered him. Curtis knelt down in the opposite corner with his firearm up. He breathed in and out, in and out. Sounds outside were getting louder. Rowdier. _In. Out._ His heartrate was faster than normal but not as bad as earlier. Something hit the wall near their hideout. Curtis quickly tapped on his comms to speak.

"Need backup. In the third office on the right."

Lasers hit the door. He kept both hands on the firearm. He heard a mechanical voice saying something about biorhythms found. He could only assume the sentries had found them. _Should I attack first or wait?_ The lasers persisted. Then an arm wedged its way through.

He felt his brows deeply furrow.

He was suddenly an awkward pre-teen again and his slightly older brother was there in front of him, shielding him from some thugs. They wanted money they didn't have. He wanted to wait and see if they'd leave them alone but waiting only delayed his brother's death. Right there, he made his choice.

He was done waiting for bad guys to decide his fate.

He shot first. Then again. And again. The robotic arm broke off. He moved so he'd have a better angle. Through the opening he could see the glowing marking of the sentry's chest plate. _A weakness._ He shot there until the light went out. _Good._ His victory was shortly lived. He saw motion through the opening and then the door rattled. Hard. The desk was moving. The chairs and other odds and ends stacked on it fell down. He backed off for a better vantage but he was too slow.

The Galra prisoner rammed right through.

Curtis yelled out as a part of the desk hit him. There was a scream from Romelle or Silvio. Or both. He hadn't caught it. He was too busy getting picked up by the throat. He lifted his hand to shoot but the gun was twisted out of his hand. He dangled on his toes. His hands clawed at Galra's tight grip. He made the mistake of trying to kick and nearly blacked out. Hanging off the Galra's hand would only make his suffocation faster.

"This is the Fire of Purification," the Galra sneered in his face with those pupil-less eyes. "By orders of Commander Sendak."

 _"Curtis, what's happening?"_ Veronica was frantic in his ear. _"I'm coming over but you need to talk to -"_

"Let go!" he registered Romelle's voice.

The Galra yelled out as he was shot in the side. It loosened his hold on Curtis' neck. Curtis breathed in deep as he was dropped onto the floor. He coughed. His sight was still spotty but he saw Romelle with his gun. Her hands were shaking. She wasn't used to holding a firearm. A weapon. But he was.

"I'll take care of you first, Altean _pest._ "

The Galra gave him his back. Curtis picked up a splintered wood piece and jammed it into the Galra's calf. The prisoner yelled out in pain. He whirled on Curtis faster than he thought he could but he had another wood piece ready. Adrenaline made his mind sharper than he thought it ever could be in a situation like this. Curtis let out a hoarse yell as he aimed for the armorless torso. The Galra grabbed his arm. Curtis grit his teeth and put all his weight into one push before he felt something _break_ in his arm.

He cried out in agony as he knelt on the floor.

"Human scum," the Galra spat out.

Then the prisoner fell on him. Curtis fumbled as he tried getting the dead Galra off of him. Warm blood was soaking into his clothes and the smell - He wiggled out despite the pain in his arm. Romelle dropped his gun and was holding onto a very silent Silvio. Veronica was yelling in the comms. He tiredly slumped against the wall.

"We're here," he quietly replied.

* * *

The smell was still on Curtis' skin.

He washed his face five times already - one handed, as the left was in a sling - but the strange smell of Galra blood was still hanging onto him like a vice. _Or does human blood smell like that too?_ He'd been in a fight or two before. Unwillingly. But he'd only split his lip. He couldn't remember what it smelled like. He felt a little angry that he couldn't remember that, like it was a crucial thing he _should_ know. He sighed and wiped his face dry.

When he got back to his temporary hospital room he found Shirogane there. There was dark purple along the side of his face and a couple of cuts but he looked relatively unharmed. But the bruise was a stark contrast with his silver hair and lighter skin tone.

"Shirogane sir."

The captain looked away from the tablet in his hands. "Officer. How are you feeling?"

"Fine except for the arm, sir."

"That's good." Shirogane tapped the side of the tablet. "This was your first shoot out?"

Curtis looked over his shoulder. The sky was darkening for evening.

"Yes sir."

"And you're fine?"

"I'm alive. Romelle and Silvio are ok."

The captain sighed. "Mentally, soldier. Something like this...you shouldn't just sweep it up under the rug." He glanced down at his metal arm. "You'll only end up with a fractured mind. Believe me."

"...Sir?"

"I want you to see Dr. Jensen."

"I don't need a therapist."

"I saw her. And Commander Holt. She does good work."

"..."

Shirogane's eyes drifted back out to the window. "The first time I took someone's life," he quietly started, "it shifted something inside of me that I knew I couldn't reverse. Then I had to do it again and again..." He looked back at Curtis. "It changes you. How you view yourself and how you interact with the people around you. Even if it's to protect someone. Taking life - you cross a line that the average person doesn't."

"...How do you know it was my first time?"

Shirogane gave him a half smile filled with bitter knowledge. "I can see it on your face."

Curtis slowly sank onto the edge of his cot.

"Here's her information," Shirogane murmured. "If you need to talk to someone."

He took the card without a word.

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AN: So I think in 'Strangers from Home' I had the idea of Silvio having a crush on Romelle and that's now like a head canon in my mind. lol. Also that Romelle is someone everyone wants to protect instinctively. XD

I totally see Veronica and Curtis being friends. She's the sassy friend that gets you in trouble, he's the 'too nice for his own good' friend that just wants a peaceful night out. *Shrugs* Why not?


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Starting with Veronica POV this time. :)

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Veronica wasn't one to have low self esteem.

But some nights she acknowledged the ugly truth: sometimes her best wasn't enough. The truth waifed into her mind as she took shallow breaths. Her skin was clammy and sweaty as the nightmare lingered despite her open eyes. Her room was softly lit thanks to a nightlight setting. She couldn't sleep in pitch darkness anymore. Not ever since-

 _-from the darkness glowed purple red eyes, so many eyes. She kept shooting at them but they came forward as if it did nothing. She was going to run out of ammo soon. Then, it'll just be her and these lifeless robots. In the dark. Alone -_

"To hell with this," she hissed under her breath.

She grabbed her glasses and her firearm. She barely bothered to put shoes on before leaving her room. Everyone else had roommates but she didn't. Her last roommate left one day. It had been some newly trained cadet turned officer. The war left holes in command. Promotions occurred faster than they should but they didn't have a choice.

Her night fits must have been too much for the girl.

She made her way to the firing range, having missed the fact that someone had called out her name.

* * *

Therapy was helping. Honestly, Curtis would probably be much worse without it.

But he still had restless nights.

His mind kept coming up with different scenarios, different outcomes of the breach. Sometimes he died. Other times it was Romelle. Or Romelle and Silvio. This night, Silvio was the one shooting with lifeless eyes and without ceasing, leaving corpses at his small feet. It scared Curtis awake. He breathed hard. Silvio was too young to be fighting. He should _never_ be put in that position.

But it could have happened.

He sighed long as his eyes closed. _If Romelle hadn't stepped up..._ Who knows what would have happened? He dropped his head back against the wall. _She shouldn't had to have stepped up though._ He was the soldier, not her. Civilians shouldn't have to fight. He rubbed his face hard.

 _I need to do better._

He didn't know how he was going to do that yet, but he knew that's what was needed. Gingerly, he got off his bed. His left arm was still in a cast. At least it wasn't his dominant arm. He wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. He grabbed his firearm to get some practice. It was the least he could do while he was awake. The low lights of the hallway spilled into the dorm room. His roommate turned over in his bunk but stayed asleep. Curtis quickly slipped out and closed the door.

On the way over to the firing range he saw Veronica.

"Roni!"

She kept her fast pace, not indicating she had heard him. He kept his normal speed. He'd catch up with her at the range. But then the rhythmic _clack-clack clack-_ _clack_ made him pause. His heartrate sped up a little. He went along the wall and pulled his firearm out. His thumb slid over the gun without having to look to get the safety off as the sound started approaching -

"Kosmo," he sighed in relief.

The space wolf flicked his tail and then continued moving on down another hallway. Curtis slipped the safety back on and slipped the firearm back in its holster. He was going to continue going straight but his curiosity came on.

"Where are you going?" he murmured to himself.

He rarely saw the wolf walk around without Shirogane, Romelle, or Krolia. Or be by one of the paladins' bedside. He made a right instead. Kosmo was down the hall making a left. He changed his walking speed to catch up. They were headed to the hangar. The wolf walked towards the Atlas. He suddenly disappeared in light. Curtis frowned. _He must have teleported inside._ But why? The Atlas wasn't in any condition for battle. No one should be inside at this hour. He spied that the walkway into the Atlas was down. Obviously people were in it.

"Ok..."

Now he really wanted to know what was going on.

* * *

Her practice started off calm.

But then as the levels grew more difficult she started firing a little more than necessary. Her nerves were high. Her eyes were wide as she kept shooting, never once looking away from her targets -

A sound had her whipping her weapon around.

There was a gun pointed back at her. Veronica kept her firearm up as the helmeted figure kept hers up too. Then, the mystery person lowered her gun. Veronica only knew it was female due to the shape of the armor. _I've seen this armor -_ During the breach. Fighting with the Blades. _A f_ _riendly. Not an enemy._

"Quiznak," Veronica quickly put her gun into her holster. "I'm _so_ sorry." She put her empty hands up to reassure them. "I'm just a little high strung. But I'm sure you know how that is."

The female said nothing. Then she walked off to another shooting booth.

"Ok." At least they didn't shoot each other. "Well," Veronica lifted her voice to carry over, "happy shooting!"

 _C_ _rap._

Leifsdottir's social awkwardness was rubbing off on her.

* * *

No one was on the Atlas' bridge. Or the living quarters.

But deeper inside, Curtis could hear sounds. He walked slowly, making sure his steps were quiet. He frowned as he caught yelling and hard thuds. _Sounds like a fight._ He saw a big sliding door. Overhead read 'Training room.' On the side was a smaller staircase with 'Viewing Balcony.'

He took the steps.

Kosmo was lounging on the floor looking out at the large ceiling to floor windows. Overhead were screens with stats. Curtis didn't really look at that. He stepped forward. The wolf spared him a glance and then went back to watching. Curtis stopped right in front of the windows as he saw the activity down below.

Shirogane was fighting the Blades.

They didn't take turns but it was strategic. The captain lifted his right arm to catch a blade and then rotated around to duck a slicing blade. He flipped backwards then sprang forward off of his hands. The two Blades were knocked back a good distance. Another pair came up without pause. Shirogane ran to meet them.

"The odds aren't fair," Curtis frowned.

"It's training."

Curtis felt his hair stand on end. He quickly turned around. Along the bench was someone in black under armor. He had a leg up on the seating and one arm draped over the raised knee. A dark blade with a shimmering edge was slowly being rotated in his hand. His eyes glowed yellow in the semi-dark room. Green headphones were around his neck.

"Keith?"

"Yeah." The Black Paladin tilted his head. "You're the Atlas' comms tech..."

"Officer Powell," he filled in. "Or just Curtis."

Keith slowly stood up. Kosmo got up to stand next to him.

"Why are you here?"

Curtis rubbed his neck. "I followed Kosmo." He cleared his throat and gestured back to the window. "Why are they training so late?"

Keith looked at him silently for another couple of seconds and then walked up to stand beside him. Kosmo's claws clacked as he took up his previous lounging spot. The blade in Keith's hand reverted to its resting form. He slipped it back in its sheath.

"Galra don't need as much sleep."

That explained the Blades and even Keith. "But why is the Captain?"

Keith frowned a little. He knew the Atlas Crew was debriefed about what happened in space. Kuron was briefly mentioned to get it out of the way and stress the danger Haggar presented. But they didn't know everything.

"Kuron was part Galra."

Kuron. The clone...which Shirogane's soul was put into.

"But he looks human," Curtis blurted out. He winced a little as he looked at Keith's glowing eyes. "Sorry."

Keith shrugged. "He's not half like me." He leaned against the glass to look at Curtis better. "But there's enough in him to make him restless."

"What do you mean?"

"The Galra are militaristic due to their natural fighting instincts." His eyes weren't glowing as much. "We can't stay still for too long."

Curtis didn't miss Keith's hand cradling his ribs.

"Is that why you're out of your hospital room?"

He shrugged again. "I didn't last long."

Kosmo must have sensed Keith's discomfort for the wolf stood up and nudged his leg. The paladin moved his hand to grip his ear affectionately. Kosmo flicked it out of his hold. He looked back at Curtis. He couldn't see but his eyes were no longer glowing.

"I need to go back. Powell." Pause. "Curtis. What I told you - Shiro's not ready to tell people. Not right after -" he sighed. "If you could keep it to yourself I know Shiro would appreciate it."

"...I understand."

It was too soon for people to learn that the Captain of the Atlas had the blood of the enemy. Keith gave a small, grateful smile and then teleported with Kosmo. Curtis stayed standing by the window. He looked up at the screens with the stats. Some were close ups of the training down below. Shirogane had shed down to his white tank. He looked at some scars that peeked out from his tank, some close to indicate claws had done the damage.

He couldn't imagine how it felt to carry that burden.

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AN: Finally gave the man a surname. Lol. Though people make a valid argument that it's not an issue if he's taking on Shirogane. XD

Another headcanon of mine is that Kuron wasn't fully human.

Haggar likes making robeasts. Why would she not experiment with Kuron especially if he was supposed to be a weapon? Plus, Kuron totally had fangs when he was fighting Keith. Since Shiro's soul was put in Kuron's body, that then makes Shiro part alien. Totally understand if you don't agree with this idea but it's a consistent idea in my post s6 stories. So, heads up. XD

Also, I figured Haggar would make sure to have at least the more prominent scars on Kuron as real Shiro had to keep the illusion. All speculation but that's all I've got.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: I am so sorry for the delay!

Notice: There's a memory of Curtis' that deals with bullying and being LGBTQ/minority. Nothing violent but the name calling may be uncomfortable.

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"I'm sorry to bother you Romelle," Rachel tiredly yawned as she led the way. "But he just can't sleep. Lisa's getting worried."

Romelle politely yawned behind her hand. It was the middle of the night but no one was around. Good thing. She was still in her sleepwear and her hair was unbrushed and down. Rachel scratched her head, making her messy bun move. She stopped in front of the room and knocked. Luis opened the door with sleepy eyes.

"Hey Rachel." He turned to Romelle with an apologetic look. " Sorry to wake you but he woke up crying about you. We were hoping just seeing you will help."

"No, don't worry about it."

After all, the McClains had opened up their arms when Romelle was left alone. Coran and the Atlas crew weren't always available to keep her company while the Paladins were out. Veronica introduced Romelle to her family and they hit it off fast.

Luis half hugged the Altean and then stepped aside to let her in. There was a light further in. Romelle followed it to the bunk beds. Lisa was cradling Silvio while his sister Nadia sat next to them. The young boy's face was buried against his mother's chest as she rocked him. It felt wrong for Romelle to see him so vulnerable. He was always so full of energy and life like Bandor used to be.

"Silvio," Romelle softly called out.

His head snapped up. There were dried tears on his face. When he saw her he started up again. Nadia scooted off as Romelle sat on the bed. He switched to grasping her instead of his mother.

"I'm sorry Romelle," he hiccupped, "I-I'm sorry!"

Lisa felt her eyes water at the sound of her son's crying. Romelle rubbed his small back. Lisa then stood up and grabbed Nadia's hand. The youngest looked back at her brother and then followed her mother to the living room.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

The boy shook his head. "I didn't protect you," he cried. "I just stayed in the corner."

She sighed in understanding. "You were brave." She ran her fingers through his hair. "To be brave is to know when to attack and when not to."

"But _you_ shot him. I-I should have done that. I know how to shoot but I-"

"You shouldn't have gone through that at all," she whispered. "But you did and for that I am sorry." She hugged him tightly. "Thank you for being there with me."

His small hands gripped her sleepshirt. They stayed hugging until finally, he fell asleep.

Then Romelle fell asleep.

* * *

 _For the most part Curtis' Garrison life before rising up in command was smooth._

 _He made friends. He learned and absorbed so much knowledge it excited him in his own quiet way. But every once in a while there was that one group of people that made his early Garrison years tough._

 _Today he ran into that one group. He grunted as he was shoved into the lockers. His laptop bag slid off his shoulder as he struggled to stand. He usually likes to get to class early to get a good seat but he slept in a little later than usual. The hallways were pretty bare which meant he was cutting it close._

 _"Why don't you triangulate this?"_

 _The bully's friend pushed Curtis down before he could get on his feet._

 _"Nice one man!"_

 _"Could you just leave me alone?" Curtis frowned. "I don't want trouble."_

 _"Come on. Fight back. Or are you too soft for that?"_

 _"Please. I don't want to be late for class."_

 _"Not until you tell me how you cheated yesterday." The head bully leaned over Curtis, making it hard for him to stand up from the ground. "There's no way someone like you can outdo me in comm readings."_

 _"I studied." Curtis clenched his hands. "What's so hard to believe about that?"_

 _"What's going on?"_

 _The group looked over. "Great, another fairy."_

 _Fifteen year old Adam Williams pushed up his glasses. "How original," he drawled. "You can scram now."_

 _"What makes you think you can order me around?" The tallest of the group stepped towards Adam. "I especially don't listen to people like you."_

 _"Hey!"_

 _Further down the hallway was Shirogane. The teen strode over with a confidence that was misplaced for someone his age. He stepped up to the leader of the group while Adam walked over to help Curtis up._

 _"Is there a problem here?"_

 _Shirogane was half a head shorter but he still managed to stare the head bully down. The teen scoffed and looked away from his stare._

 _"Come on," he waved his group to follow. "This is boring."_

 _Shirogane continued to stand guard until the bullies were out of sight. He sighed and shook his head._

 _"A bunch of bigoted hotheads," Adam muttered loudly. "You ok?"_

 _"Yeah. Thanks." Curtis fixed his shoulder bag before looking at his watch. "I'm late. Sorry, I need to go."_

 _"No problem," Shirogane smiled. "Safe travels."_

 _"Takashi, you do realize that means we're late too?"_

 _"Aw shoot!" Shirogane grabbed Adam's arm. "Come on partner!"_

 _Curtis caught a light flush on Adam's face before they went their own ways._

* * *

"Psst."

Curtis frowned in his sleep.

"PSst!"

It wasn't often that they got a day to sleep in. Curtis sure as hell wasn't going to pass up on it. He kept his eyes closed on principle.

"Psssssssssss..."

"For the love of god," his roommate groaned from the other side of the room. "Whatcha want?!"

Curtis sighed. "It's for me. Sorry."

With some grumbling he slipped out of bed, just barely awake enough to put some shoes on. He shot his roommate one last apology before going out of the partially open door. Veronica was dressed in her pjs but her eyes were wide awake. He crossed his arms in a scold.

"What can't wait Roni?"

She didn't answer. She just tugged his good arm down the hallway. He winced at the initial rough handling. He didn't put his arm in a sling. She pushed her room door open and then pointed at the empty bed across from hers.

"Someone's been here."

Curtis frowned. "The bed looks untouched."

"Ok, I know it's made but _look."_ She tugged him to crouch down. He yelped. "Sorry. But see here? The pillow's flatter in the middle like someone's been sleeping on it repeatedly."

"...I kind of see it." He scrunched up his nose. "But if you have a new roommate why haven't they introduced themselves?"

She shrugged. "Maybe it's another newly promoted officer. Or," she leaned in secretively. "Maybe they're not from around here..."

He looked around but they were still alone. "It can't be a Blade member. They stay in their own group."

"So do the Coalition members."

"But they did bring along people they rescued along the trip the way. Maybe they're just shy?"

"Or they're really out there with scales and six eyes." She hummed. "I can see why they might be nervous to meet me straight up."

"We could ask Sam or Matt."

"Mm. They're all busy fixing the Atlas. We'll need to find them on our own."

Curtis gave her a flat look. "You just _want_ to find them on your own."

Her lips curved. "Not _entirely_ on my own."

"Veronica."

"Curtis."

"..."

"..."

He threw his hand up. "Fine but only to keep you from going too far."

"We need to resolve it today. Who knows when we'll get another slow morning?"

He sighed. _Of course it's a rush. But she does have a point._

 _"_ After we get breakfast meet me back in your room."

* * *

Veronica curiously watched as Curtis brought in Kosmo.

"How'd you pull him away from Keith's bedside?"

He slipped a hand into his pocket and pulled out a bag. Kosmo sniffed eagerly as he wagged his fluffy tail.

"Rabbit jerky." He gave the wolf a piece and then walked to the bed. "Romelle said he understands speech." He knelt down to grab the blanket and pull it under Kosmo's nose. "I have more jerky for you if you can find this person."

The wolf snorted but lowered his snout to the blanket. He pulled away from the bed with his nose moving in the air. Then he took off. The two sleuths quickly ran out of the room to follow.

"You're quick on your feet," Veronica grinned.

"I try," Curtis half laughed.

"We shouldn't be obvious that we're following Kosmo though."

They slowed down to a moderate pace. It was faster than walking but at least it wasn't running. Kosmo suddenly turned a corner. They quickly jogged to catch up and nearly ran into the wolf. He had been waiting for them. Then he took off again but at a slower stalking speed.

Personnel got out of the space wolf's way. They waved at a couple of people like this was completely normal.

"We're headed into the commanders' offices," Curtis murmured.

"Commander Holt or Captain Shirogane?"

Curtis quirked a brow. She rolled her eyes.

"Who else would be meeting with someone from space in their office?"

"Good point."

Kosmo stopped in front of a closed door and sat down. They peered from around the corner.

"I'm pretty sure that's Captain's office."

"You go to his office a lot Curtis?"

"I have to drop off my therapy logs to Shirogane." He pointedly ignored her grin. "That's all."

"Like how you were just checking Adam's fighter comms after hours?"

"...Officer Williams and I only went out for coffee a couple of times."

"If it was just a few dates," Veronica casually pulled out his necklace, "why do you have one of his dog tags?"

He quickly shoved the tags back under his shirt.

"...Please don't do that."

Her eyes softened a little. "Does Shiro know?"

"Which part?" he sighed. "That I dated his ex or I kept a tag?"

"Either. Both. Take your pick."

" _Shirogane_ probably doesn't know about the dating," he pointedly emphasized. "And I'd like it if he heard it from me directly."

"If you take too long he's bond to hear it from someone else," Veronica looked back at the wolf. He was pawing the door. "But he won't hear it from me." She glanced back at her friend. "He gave us permission to call him Shiro."

"I remember but I'd like to stick to his full last name."

"Huh."

He gave Veronica a suspicious look. "What now?"

"Nothing," she innocently waved off.

"With you, it's rarely nothi-"

The door slid open. They quickly crouched down to make themselves smaller. Shirogane had his hands on his hips as he looked down at the wolf.

"You don't have to claw my door down," he amusedly said before giving the wolf a rough head rub. The wolf bit his metal hand and chewed on it. He stepped out as he looked back to address someone. "We'll have a formal introduction with the crew later today. Until then, make yourselves at home."

Veronica frowned as a woman stepped out to clasp forearms with Shiro's non-slobbered arm. The armor looked like the person she met at the shooting range but she had her helmet off now. But her back was to her. She tsked at her misfortune. At least she knew who her new roommate was. She made to move away.

Curtis grabbed her arm. "He said 'yourselves'," he whispered.

On cue, Kosmo let go of Shirogane's arm and sniffed the space between them. They frowned at that. There was nothing there. But then the wolf's ears moved as if someone was petting them.

"My roomie's the invisible woman," Veronica excitedly whispered. "That's why I haven't seen her!"

Then Kosmo teleported to them. They yelled out involuntarily. Curtis and Veronica shot each other frantic looks.

"Run," she mouthed.

They booked it.

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AN: And the drama continues. Oh Veronica, why do you make things complicated? XD

So, why Curtis and Adam history? Adam is African American in this story so I thought that they'd connect with shared interests and understanding the struggles the other experienced being black and LGBTQ in an Astro-military base. I like to think that Curtis looked up to both Adam and Shiro but was initially drawn to Adam due to those shared commonalities.

Unrelated note: Just realized a while back that Curtis has blue eyes and that just makes me smile!?


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Ok, this chapter has flashbacks from Curtis and Shiro (separately) but Shiro's angsty. I felt like I needed to cover some issues since canon didn't. Also wanted to address a certain Curtis accusation I saw floating around the good ol' internet.

I did add some fluff though. :)

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 _"Officer Williams?"_

 _A caramel hair colored pilot turned around with his helmet under his arm. Curtis watched as Adam pushed some hair out of his face but it fell back forward. His bangs were longer and his hair a little less well kept than it used to be. But that was before the Kerberos crew launched into space four months ago._ _The Garrison had a small town feel in the good and bad sense, especially the gossiping. Any morning drama was quickly spread around by lunchtime whether you were looking for it or not._

 _"Officer Powell, right?"_

 _"Yes that's correct." Curtis cleared his throat as he looked at his tablet. "You put in a request for your helmet comms to be checked."_

 _Adam let out a quiet sigh. "I'm only getting audio from the left side." He lifted his helmet out to Curtis. "This is my second helmet already."_

 _"That's strange. Maybe - " their fingers bumped in the passing. Adam smoothly caught the helmet with his other hand. "S-Sorry." Curtis took it quickly. "It might be the link between your fighter and the helmet, but that would be an issue within your plane's system, not the helmet itself."_

 _"I see. Then you'll need to see my fighter."_

 _"That would be the easiest way."_

 _Adam tilted his head. "My fighter's due for a tune up in thirty minutes." He pushed his suit sleeve to reveal his wristwatch. "How about we eat lunch and then come back later?"_

 _Curtis opened his mouth to respond in acceptance and then halted._

 _"We?"_

 _"Unless you've eaten already."_

 _"No, not yet but - "_

 _"Might as well stick together until then." Adam put his helmet down on the tray next to his jet. "No sense in leaving only to come back shortly."_

 _"...That's true."_

 _Curtis turned around before Adam could see his flushed cheeks._

* * *

"He's still staring at you," Veronica whispered.

Curtis paused in typing on his screens one handed. Veronica was still sitting next to him from the short meeting. Discretely, he turned his head to where Shirogane was standing in the Garrison control room to the space wolf sitting next to his feet. Kosmo's bright yellow eyes were fixed on Curtis. The wolf's mouth opened a little as a low, gruff sound came out. The sound made Shirogane turned his head towards him, having caught his staring.

"Is there a problem officer?"

"No, captain." Curtis abruptly looked back to his screens with a higher heartrate. "I was just - "

"Waiting for Cadet Monroe," Veronica smoothly finished for her bumbling friend. "He's supposed to be bringing the coffee."

The wolf sharply barked, making Curtis' shoulders twitch. "What's wrong Kosmo?" he could hear Shirogane ask. The wolf let out a high whine in response. Shiro rubbed his furry head in an effort to calm him down.

Veronica nudged Curtis. "You haven't given him the rest of the jerky," she whispered.

"I know," Curtis half sighed, half whispered, "but if I give it to him in front of," he gestured with his head to the platform behind them, " _him..._ then he'll know I was one of the people hiding around the corner."

"Not necessarily."

"Then _you_ give it."

"No way. Then he'll wonder why I'm feeding him all of a sudden."

Curtis threw his hand up in exasperation. "That's _exactly_ why I can't either," he loudly whispered. "I'm only in this position because _someone_ wanted to go Nancy Drew instead of outright asking who her roommate is."

"Ok, for one: how dare you? I don't look _anything_ like a Nancy." Veronica let out a shudder. "Two: we were Scooby Doo-ing it and I'm a mix of Velma's smarts and Daphne's hotness. Plus, the dog and the invisible woman mystery." She poked his shoulder. "Get with it Powell."

"You really don't like that Nancy Drew reference do you?"

"Is everything alright over there?" Shirogane questioned.

"Yes sir," Curtis automatically replied.

"Peachy keen Shiro." Curtis and Shirogane both quirked a brow at Veronica. She shrugged it off and rotated her chair around to face Shiro completely. "Actually, we have a thought. Maybe Kosmo's whining because he wants food."

"Oh." Shiro blinked as he looked down at the wolf. Krolia or Coran typically fed Kosmo while Keith's healing. "I suppose that could be it."

"I have some extra rabbit jerky," Curtis offered.

The wolf's nose wiggled as soon as Curtis took out the jerky. Shiro smiled as Kosmo teleported over to the food.

"I guess that means he does want it. Thank you."

"Of course captain."

Curtis patted Kosmo's back as the wolf chewed on his treat. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Veronica grinning at him. _Don't you start Roni._ As if reading his thoughts her grin curved even more. He felt a slight heat in his cheeks. It was nothing. He was just being thanked for something anyone would do. It was proper etiquette and given their captain's Japanese roots it _absolutely_ meant nothing other than thanking someone. _Not that I deserve a thank you._ That sudden sobering thought made the heat die down fast. He looked over at Sam Holt on the other side of the high control platform.

 _"This was **not** your fault," Commander Holt squeezed his shoulder but Curtis kept his face in his hands."I'm the one that asked you to continuously broadcast into space and the Galra were already bound to come here. Understand?"_

 _"...Respectfully sir, I disagree." Curtis slowly lifted his head. "But I'll do better."_

"Curtis?"

He looked over at Veronica. The grin on her face was gone. Whatever expression he had must have done it. He tried to muster a smile but it felt very small and strained. He sighed - he seemed to be doing that a lot lately - and went back to work.

For once Veronica let it be. For now.

"So now we have a bodyguard."

"Acxa," Curtis supplied.

They both turned to look at the armored figure by the door. She was still helmeted. Veronica heavily sighed.

"Is it a space thing to not show your face?"

"She just needs time, I'm sure."

"Which one?" came Veronica's dry question.

Curtis did smile at that. "Our guard and your mysterious roommate."

"I can barely stand one mystery but now I have _two_? Ugh."

"I thought you were part Velma and part Daphne?"

"Watch the sass Powell." Her lips quirked upwards. "Or else I'll ask why you were blushing earlier."

"I wasn't -"

"Please." Veronica rolled her chair to her station, "Your skin's not _that_ dark."

* * *

 _The moment Shiro woke up from the cryopod he knew something was wrong._

 _But he didn't want to worry anyone. He had just been brought back to life and everyone was so happy to see him sitting around with them even if he didn't say anything. Speech was still hard to form. In the astral plane he didn't have the need to breathe in air into his lungs so he could work his vocal chords. He spoke haltingly or sparsely. He was still getting the hang of the breath to words ratio._ _He didn't remember having to take so much concentration to do something as simple as talking._

 _When the group set up camp outside, Shiro made his move._

 _He got up slowly from his spot in the middle of the paladin dogpile. He took care to move Pidge's small hand from the edge of his sleeve and moved Lance's widely thrown leg off of his thigh to lay more on Hunk. He had to carefuly step around Romelle's scattered limbs. It seemed like Lance wasn't the only one to sleep in strange positions. Keith laid tightly curled with the wolf at his back. Allura's hands were under her chin with the mice deep in her hair. Coran had his arm out to cushion her head. Krolia was asleep sitting up against a smooth boulder._

 _He kept walking until he was in front of her._

 _'Black,' he called out mentally._

 _When he heard nothing back, he frowned and stepped closer. She did not lower her head as she had done in the past. His left hand was shaky as he reached out and touched her paw. He didn't know how long he stood there, trying to reach out to her. He felt euphoria when he sensed her. Her presence was there but it was faint like a distant rumble of thunder on the other side of the planet, like he was catching the tail end of a storm. She was happy to feel him but also...saddened. There was so much remorse rolling off of her. He pushed his confusion to her. Her purr rumbled through his mind like a final breath. Then it was completely silent. He reached out for her again. Hot liquid immediately gathered in his eyes._

 _"I can't hear you," he quietly choked out._

 _He bowed his head, making the tears fall._

* * *

Sparring with the Blades was something Shiro appreciated.

Most of the surviving Blades were newer recruits that had been saved by the senior members. What they lacked in experience they made up for in agility and perseverance. It was enough to give Shiro a good workout while exposing them to various techniques at the same time. While he may not remember his entire time in the arena his muscle memory did. It was something Haggar made sure to transfer to Kuron along with splicing his dna. A good workout typically meant lights out as soon as his head hit the pillow.

But there were some nights when fighting just didn't cut it.

Shiro sat up in his cot once his breathing was somewhat under control. The first moment of waking up was the worst. The disorientation between nightmare and reality, not really recalling what exactly had awoken him except feeling like he needed to defend himself or run. He rubbed his slightly damp face. Across the room he could hear Iverson snoring from his bed. Typically high command got their own rooms but the fight with Sendak had heavily damaged a good portion of the Garrison including the dorms. He moved his legs, making the space wolf groan.

"Sorry," he winced a little. "Forgot you bunked with me."

The wolf's glowing yellow eyes slowly blinked before he let out a huffy snort. Shiro leaned over and rubbed his furry head. Kosmo's fur was thicker near his body but then thinned out so fine near the end of it, making it stick out. It didn't feel like any dog he ever petted. At least what he could remember dog fur feeling like. His fingers dug in more, feeling the shape of the wolf's skull. His hand slid down to the neck and kept it there. The warmth Kosmo radiated felt familiar. He frowned a little as an old memory surfaced...

 _A cold night. Small hands gripping sandy fur as he attempted to get warmer._

 _"Takashi," a woman softly scolded. "You'll get fur all over your bed."_

The wolf shifted, jostling Shiro out of the memory. He tried to cling onto the details that surfaced. The soft sound of his mother's voice, her inky black hair in a long braid. _I had a dog growing up...A Shiba?_ That wasn't the full name of the breed or even the dog's name. He frowned as his fingers gripped Kosmo's fur tighter. _I can't...fully remember._ He let out a frustrated sound. His missing year in the arena had messed up his mind enough but dying...That had been another experience. Being stuck in an endless void with only Black's presence as his company and absolutely no sense of time...He felt like he was just ether in her consciousness for several years when it hadn't even been _one_.

He slid his hand so his arm was around the wolf's neck.

 _"You were melding into Black," Allura had gently explained one night when he had been desperate for answers. "I could barely tell the difference between your essence and her presence. I don't think she thought she would be carrying you for so long..." She laid a hand on his shoulder. "If you had stayed connected, you would have been lost."_

He understood that. Sort of. But sometimes, he could still feel that emptiness in his mind where Black used to be. She wasn't heat like Red or refreshing like Blue. Her presence was electric and powerful, energy and strength. With her, he felt like he could do anything. Fly anywhere. Be anyone. With her presence gone...it was just hard sometimes.

Then he came to Earth, his surviving family already gone and Adam -

He let out a slow, shaky breath. He dug his face in Kosmo's fur. Focused on the tickling sensation along his skin as the tips of fur brushed the edge of his ear. He stayed that way for a while. Sense of touch was a reminder that he was still here, alive, and human. At least 'human' in the sense of his soul. After all, a body was just a vessel for a soul. It was a soul that mattered most, right?

That was the part that made him Takashi Shirogane.

He wasn't the clone. That presence that used to be here was no longer. He faded away as his core in the arm had been cut off then completely gone once Sam and the doctors removed the last part of the witch's metal arm. _But a body needs a soul to be alive,_ his mind whispered. _Doesn't that mean Kuron had a soul too?_ He held onto the wolf tighter until Kosmo squirmed.

 _"Haggar merely copied your soul,"_ _Allura had murmured the answer to his unspoken question. "Coupled with your dna she was able to animate the clone with her dark magic." She looked away for a second and then back up to him. "But that doesn't mean he should be dismissed and forgotten."_

He lifted his head from Kosmo. On the window sill he had two incense sticks. It helped to mourn like this but the entire situation was still deeply unsettling. He looked to the side table where his shoulder prosthetic and arm were. It was too bulky for him to sleep comfortably with. Allura and Sam promised to make a more casual version once they had the proper supplies. The arm he had now had been built for endurance and as a shield of sorts. He made to grab the shoulder piece to place on but then withdrew his hand. He slipped out of bed. Kosmo's claws clacked behind him, letting him know that he was going to have company.

"Come on then."

He held the door open enough for the wolf to slip out first and then went out himself. Initially he planned to go out into the courtyard where his zen garden was for some therapeutic raking but his feet had other plans. He passed by a Blade or two with a head nod and then continued to the hangar.

But he didn't go into the Atlas.

He walked further in towards the back, through another doorway and into darkness. The Galra blood had enhanced his ability to see in little to no light. He found the light switch. The lights flickered, revealing old jets and space shuttles. He walked down through the aisles. Somehow the Galra missed this part of the Garrison. All the planes were intact. He paused in front of a dark gray spaceship.

 _"The Moon Voyager's my personal favorite,"_ _a sixteen year old Adam said as he pushed his glasses up. "Its nav system is the most advanced of the solar explorer models."_

 _"But all that tech on board makes it one of the slower ships." Shiro playfully grinned. "The Calypso can circle it five times over."_

 _"Speed's not everything Takashi."_

 _"But what's the point of going slow?"_

 _Adam crossed his arms. "You go too fast and you'll miss something."_

 _Shiro had a quip but the second he looked at Adam's face it disappeared. He could feel this pull every now and then when he was around his future flight partner. It only seemed to be growing the longer they were around each other._

 _"Who said I missed anything?"_

 _Adam kept his gaze. Slowly, Shiro reached out his hand without breaking eye contact. Their fingertips brushed. He saw the pink bloom on Adam's cheeks the moment they connected. Adam withdrew his hand._

 _"You're blushing," Shiro teased._

 _"So are you," Adam retorted._

 _"Yeah." He laughed as the heat in his cheeks increased. "I can feel it."_

Kosmo let out a low whine. Shiro looked down to see him jerk his head back the way they came from.

"Ok, we're going outside now. Promise."

The wolf nudged his head under Shiro's palm. He chuckled as they disappeared immediately.

* * *

There was a knock on Shiro's office door.

"Come in."

He kept his eyes down on the paperwork and the orange screened tablet. There was a raised holoscreen coming from it with the world map. Locations were pinned around the globe, places that suffered the worst of the attack. With the Admiral gone it was up to Sam, the Garrison council, and himself to coordinate with the rest of the world in setting up relief support. There was still so much to be done just around the Garrison itself.

"I've brought my report sir."

Shiro looked up briefly to the Atlas' comms tech. "Thank you." He smiled a little. "Just set it in my inbox."

There was a soft shuffle of papers as the folder was placed down. Then, there was a pause. A breath taken as if to speak but then let out at the last minute. Officer Powell turned around and went out the door. Shiro signed something and then grabbed the next packet. There was a rapid knock on his door. He called out for the person to come in. He looked up to address them but frowned when he saw who it was. Officer Powell had his good hand clenched by his side and a deep frown on his face.

"Did you forget something offi-"

"It was my fault," Curtis blurted out. "I sent broadcasts looking for the Coalition and the paladins but one of the calls must have been caught by them instead." He started to pace a little as he rambled on, "Commander Holt's coalition communicator no longer worked. Without knowing the frequency I needed to reach I couldn't mask the signal too much or else it wouldn't reach anyone we needed. It was an enormous risk but-" he helplessly shrugged. "We didn't have any other options at the time."

"Officer Powell," Shiro withheld the urge to rub his temples. "I'm not exactly sure wha-"

"The Galra came because of my broadcasts," Curtis turned his face away. "They attacked Earth because of me. They killed-" he cut off his speech abruptly as his voice started to tremble. He cleared his throat. "We weren't ready when the Galra came."

Shiro felt the coldness start from his head and then travel downwards. For a moment, he couldn't recall how to breathe, how to speak, or even to blink. He was just stone.

"I also dated your ex," Curtis quietly, tiredly got out.

That got a reaction out of him. "Adam?"

Curtis slowly nodded his head. He pulled out a chain from around his neck and then placed it on Shiro's desk.

"You should have this," Curtis stepped away from the desk, "Not me."

Shiro stared at the dog tag with his ex-fiancé's name on it. He didn't even notice that Curtis left his office. Shiro eventually tore his eyes away from it and back to his papers. He re-read a paragraph three times before he tossed it back in his bin.

He put a hand up to cover his eyes.

* * *

"So your name's Acxa."

The helmeted figure didn't say anything or nod her head. Veronica was not easily deterred.

"I'm Veronica McClain, Lance's older sister. You know, the chatty paladin in blue but he flies the Red Lion. I still don't get why his armor doesn't match but," she shrugged nonchalantly, "maybe it's a space thing. Or my baby bro being stubborn 'cause he likes the color blue. I honestly don't know and frankly don't care at this point."

Silence.

"I just want to know the person guarding us. You must be really something if Shiro's brought you on board. Well," she sighed, "that's not true. I also want to know who my roommate is. She's invisible and apparently doesn't like chocolate. I left her a whole pile on her pillow but she didn't touch it at all. Maybe it's just Alteans that like dairy products."

There was a shift in the mood.

"How do you know your roommate is invisible? Perhaps she is not there."

Veronica tried to contain her excitement upon hearing Acxa's voice. "Oh I can tell when she's there. It feels like I'm being watched but she's kind of amused? Maybe I'm just reading too much into that but I can tell."

"Where is your room?"

"...I'm just trying to make a friend here not -"

The sliding door opened and admitted Curtis. Veronica frowned as her friend dropped an empty box and proceeded to clear his station. Thankfully it was just the three of them in the control room right now.

"Hey Curt," Veronica slid up behind him. "It's too soon for spring cleaning."

"I told him."

"Uh, who what?"

Curtis shook his head as he recalled what he said. "It just all came out. There's no way Shirogane's going to let me stay on." He paused to rub his stinging eyes. "You should have seen how he looked at me Roni."

"Curtis," she firmly pushed him into his seat. "Take a breath. Hell, take fifty and then tell me what's going on."

"I-I can't -"

"You can if you just _breathe_."

Veronica exaggeratedly took a long breath. He took a shaky breath in and then let it out when she did. She led him for a couple more before he started doing it on his own. His body gradually relaxed into his chair. Veronica leaned over and rubbed his shoulder.

"That's it. You got this."

"...I told Shirogane that my broadcasts alerted the Galra where we were."

"But Curtis, that _really_ wasn't your fault. I mean, we don't know for sure -"

"And then I told him I dated Adam."

 _"Oh._ You really laid it on him."

"...Thanks Roni."

She rubbed his shoulder again. "Look, we already knew the Galra were coming so you can't blame yourself for that."

"They came sooner because of me."

"That's not how I see it. You were broadcasting for what, six months? Less than a year? But the Galra didn't come right after that. It took them a while and we know they have hyperjump technology. The timing doesn't match."

"They took a while because they were gathering an attack force."

"Curt, Commander Holt said war was coming and it did. You sent as masked calls as you could when Holt sent his first call completely _uncloaked_ from his handheld device. For all we know it was _his_ broadcast that alerted the Galra, not _yours._ He told you that already."

"..."

"Curtis," Veronica softened her tone, "you are _not_ responsible for Adam's death."

Curtis turned his head away. "What if I was?" he whispered.

"Admiral Sanda sent the fighters out instead of the MFEs."

"What was he supposed to do, not go?" Curtis frowned. "If we had more time, maybe we could have upgraded more fighters -"

"Just stop it," Veronica sharply cut in. "We barely had enough supplies for the IGF Atlas. Besides, the MFEs used up the last of the crystals we had on hand. More time wouldn't have done us any good."

"That's true." Pause. "But all of this doesn't mean I won't be booted off of the Atlas crew."

"...Shiro's not resentful. I don't think."

"I'm not saying he is but he's _human._ Finding out all of that - tell me what person wouldn't be able to make a decision unbiased of emotions?"

It was Veronica's turn to remain silent.

* * *

A cadet came for Curtis in the evening.

It had taken Shirogane all day to reach out to him after the truckload of drama he burdened him with. Curtis was honestly shocked that it hadn't been longer. He followed the cadet to an inner courtyard of sand and rocks. He honestly hadn't known it was here. Shirogane was on a flat rock in the middle of the sandlot. Curtis quietly thanked the cadet and then approached. The sun was low, bathing the courtyard in pink, orange, and a dusty blue-gray. His eyes followed the intricate swirling design in the sand that spiraled tightly into where Shirogane was standing. His back was to Curtis, having stripped down to his white tank. The olive green overlay of his uniform was neatly folded on another flat rock. To the side was a wooden rake.

"Captain, you called for me?"

There was a pause of breath that Curtis saw by staring at his back. Then, "Yes," drifted Shirogane's voice. Calm, collected, a bit of a gentleness that was threatening Curtis to relax. But he shouldn't. Not until he heard the verdict. "I thought about what you said. The broadcasts and the Galra coming. And Adam..."

Both of Curtis' hands were sweating, especially the one in a cast.

"It was my fault."

"Sir?"

Shirogane turned around. His gray eyes were shadowed by his growing bangs. Curtis couldn't quite make out the emotion swirling around in them.

"Years ago, when I was a prisoner the Galra found the Blue Lion on Earth."

Curtis slowly nodded his head. "Then you escaped to get to it before them."

"I was freed by a Blade named Ulaz and stumbled into an escape pod," Shiro lightly shook his head. "I had no elaborate plan." His slight smile of amusement quickly fell. "I blacked out as soon as I entered it."

"That was..."

"Luck. And good fortune. For once. Then later when we found Allura and Coran Sendak came and attacked. He ended up our prisoner." Pause. "Until I released his pod into open space. What I'm getting at is...The Galra already knew where Earth was located. While Sendak hadn't been on the Blue Lion retrieval mission he was a commander, therefore he had the ability to access past coordinates. Coupled with his grudge against us, Sendak had always planned to come to Earth for revenge." Shirogane's expression went blank. "Adam's death and the attack on Earth are because of me. I failed to take down Sendak when we had the chance."

"...I didn't know all of that."

"Not a lot of people do." Shirogane lowered his head a little. "I'm sorry."

That quiet apology made something bristle inside of Curtis.

"I don't accept it, sir."

That made Shirogane's head jerk up. "What?"

"No war is the fault of one person. So I can't accept an apology for something you didn't cause."

The courtyard was silent. Back inside, there was the hum of human activity but in this open space, there was nothing. No birds, no voices. Just sand and color.

"If that's the case," Shirogane slowly started, "then I don't accept your apology either."

Curtis frowned. "Is this an 'agree to disagree?'"

"Not quite." Shirogane tilted his head a little. "But I don't know what else to call it. An impasse?"

"A peaceful impasse?"

"Why not?" Shiro lightly chuckled.

That brought a small smile to Curtis' face. "Thanks captain."

"For what?"

"I thought you'd boot me from the crew."

"Why would I boot the best comms tech in the Garrison?"

Curtis was glad for the lower lighting. He could feel the heat rising in his face.

"I wouldn't say _the_ best..."

Shiro laughed. Not a chuckle or an amused grunt. But _laughed_.

"Modest too. I can see why Adam liked you. After having to deal with a show off like me..."

"It's not showing off if it's your natural ability."

The laugh came again. It was a light sound that came from the heart with nothing cynical to taint it. Curtis didn't know where to look. The crunch of sand brought his gaze up. Shirogane was walking over his zen garden.

"Your design captain -"

Shirogane waved the concern away. "I'll make another design tomorrow." He fished something out of his pocket and tossed it to Curtis. He caught the necklace one handed. "I think Adam would want you to have that, not his ex. Besides," a glimmer of amusement danced in his gray eyes, "I think you'll want yours back."

Curtis quickly lifted up the dog tags and groaned. He had forgotten to remove his dog tags before giving Shirogane Adam's.

"I didn't mean to -"

"I figured it was an accident. Best hold onto your name, Officer Powell." Shirogane grabbed his uniform top. "Unless you want a new one, I suppose."

Curtis was sure Shirogane didn't mean anything by that but it didn't stop the heat from spreading down his neck. He was only thankful he was in the cover of the shade.

"I'll see you tomorrow captain."

"Until then officer."

NU

NU

NU

AN: Blushy Curtis is cute. XD

I headcanon that a part of Shiro's therapy is a zen garden. And he even gets Kolivan and the Blades to participate in it.


End file.
